Where did I vanish to in 2011?

It’s been over a year since I last wrote… so I  thought it worth an explanation to bridge the gap.  What I keep discovering is that my best laid plans are often modified by some glaring issue that’s staring me in the face (that initially I’d really rather ignore).  However, in the long run my life keeps proving to me that if I turn to what’s right in front of me and address that, I move closer and closer to what I truly want in life.

For me, last year I was just home from the hospital after having surgery for thyroid cancer.  I really wasn’t too happy to have all my plans laid awry and frankly if I had known that it would take me a full year to feel myself again, I would have been even more pissed.  Yet, now I can say with hindsight, that I’ve never been better and felt more fulfilled with my life.

My illness forced me to relinquish all my roles in life (except to just be while I got better).  It helped me learn that just existing (without contributing anything) is enough of a reason to value myself.  I learned to get over the pain of being on the receiving end of a lot of help.  I reassessed the pace of my life and am learning to simplify what I do, so I really enjoy it.  I learned to trust my inner judgement on a whole new level and be a much stronger advocate for myself and my health.  I experienced the support and care from a lot of people which demonstrated how much love I have in my life.

I didn’t know that 2011 was pretty much going to be devoted to getting my health back, but now I have it (gratefully), some of the dreams I had to suspend a year ago are rising up inside me again for attention.  That feels so good after a long period of silence where I wondered if they had died or their time had passed me by.

Hopefully next time my plans gets altered for unexpected reasons, I’ll be able to embrace the change even easier — with full expectation that it is most certainly taking me where I want to go.  I’m seeing that what I really want aren’t the accomplishments on my wish list but the rich experience of life that I thought they would bring me.  For me some of those things have turned out to be… deep connection with others, trust in the flow of life, passion in what I do, creative expression, fulfillment, fun, adventure and joy.

Cheers to allowing what’s right in front of your face to take you where your heart really wants to go.

Moving into the New Unified World

Have you had some of the ups and downs that I have this summer? The energy shifts have been so profound that they've been somewhat challenging to navigate at times. I really believe that there is a global shift occurring on the planet that requires we shed or release the old ways of doing things and embrace new ones.

The old ways are structures that don't work...such as:

1. corrupt institutions, practices and destructive business models

2. self serving practices that ignore our interconnectedness (where we ignore our impact on others)

3. living out of fear rather than trust/love

4. being defined by our old stories in life that limit us

5. any habits, beliefs, ways of BEING that don't feel good or that aren't really working in our lives

6. Doing things the hard way... struggle, lack of resources, etc.

The new life I believe we are moving towards is:

1. a loving, unified way of life where we recognize our global unity and the interconnectedness of life

2. living in harmony with all life

3. experiencing greater and greater peace and love in our lives

4. having clarity, ease and alignment with our highest truths or self on a regular basis

5. experiencing abundant love and resources

6. knowing our wholeness and worthiness to live out our dreams

7. having balance in our lives and thriving

So I say all this because I know that in order to move from one world to the next, our issues/material for growth surface. Then we clear them out and move over into better ways of living. Now, I know as much as anything that when they come up, it is often painful and feels awful. So I've been focusing on moving through them easier.

The secret I think is to start with loving oneself. Accept that you have some material up, realize it won't last forever... and embrace yourself anyway.

It is the foundation to receiving everything you want in life, I swear it is. I've experienced it too many times. Whenever I feel a lack on the outside, I know that looking inside to see where I have been cutting myself off is the key. If you don't feel good about yourself... are feeling unworthy of having something in your life... or don't believe it is possible to have it... well then, it is hard to receive it.

So although at times it can take a while to address, I have over and over experienced how my outside world shifts when I do the inner work.

So this month, I realized that I was still holding a subtle feeling of not feeling like there was enough time/resources/space for me. (I imagine some of that comes from growing up with 7 siblings). AND I just know that underneath that is a feeling of not being enough or feeling worthy to receive it all. So, I've put a lot of energy shifting that inside. August became the month of feeling good about myself. I have been doing everything I can to acknowledge myself daily, remember I deserve the best in life, affirm my worthiness and love myself.

And the beautiful thing is that I can feel the increase in self-worth and self-love. It might sound corny to some, but I know these are the foundations for experiencing the exact life I want. So here's to soaking up the self-love.

Worry Kills

Have you ever had one of those days where you got so worried about something -- money, your relationship, your kids, etc. that you were ready to completely give up? That happened to me recently. I was at wits end with facing a struggle with something that I've faced before, thought was over and it was back.

I was so frustrated to be worrying about the same thing again. But the most wonderful thing happened. I got 2 great messages to help me move past it.

1. The first was that I was reminded that the first step is to accept it and ask if you can do anything to change it. If you can't, surrender and let go. It is in the resistance that it pains us so much.

2. The second came from a call Sugata (my husband) and I had with his business coach (KC Hildreth) for our business Cadence Research & Consulting.

It takes up an inordinate amount of time and energy to worry. So often when we get into a worry mode, our fear rises and we then spend all our time trying to cope with our feelings rather than moving forward. I'm sure if you've been there you'll know how true this is.

So KC was coaching us on business development and he said when it comes to sales success, a tiny percent of sales people account for the vast majority of sales in any industry. Why? Because those few people have figured out how to deal with worry. They recognize that it is there, and then get back to what they can control... which is to call the next customer or take the next action. Imagine if you only gave worry 1 hour of space in an entire month and the rest of the time you remembered to just move forward and take the next step, having faith that your energy was best spent there.

When he said it, I knew it was true. I swear it is that simple.

PS - and if you are so in worry that you can't function. Just take the first action needed to calm yourself down - call a friend, cry until you are done, write out your worries and then let them go, take a walk, eat an ice cream cone... you get the picture. (Think how it never helps to give into a 3 year-old's tantrum). Love yourself, but don't coddle!

The first step to changing anything is accepting it and taking responsibility for where you are. Then you know - if you got into this then you can get out of it. You are that powerful!

Think Bigger!

Today I had a first. My first audition in Hollywood. It was fun even though I've never been an aspiring actress. A request came to me to audition as a coach for a TV show about men who had just gone through a divorce. I haven't the slightest clue if I was what they were looking for, but a wonderful thing happened just when the casting director gave me directions about how to be on camera.

She said, "Imagine you are talking to 'Steve' (the divorced guy) but remember you aren't just talking to him, but all the people out there who are experiencing the same thing." Bam! My mind just exploded with the imagery of all those people... and the opportunity of being able to share insights with not just one person, but a huge audience - all at the same time.

Then I remembered how I had been asking to think bigger in my life. Now here was a concrete example. And it inspired me to focus my energy on those things that I already know are on my list to enable me to contribute in a bigger way. So thank you Universe (starring Anna - the casting director) -- I've got more work to do. And I can't wait!

Coming Full Circle

I have not written for a full year on my blog ... for a very good reason. I went on an adventure and got a little sidetracked, really sidetracked until I found my way back. 2009 was a strange year in a lot of ways. I was inspired with a new business idea that once executed, was not what I wanted. I spent a lot of money on coaching, and the ideas and forward movement was all solid and useful in many ways. However, I began to recognize that I was not listening deeply enough inside to hear my own voice as I was learning from others. And in the end I came back to where I started from... but a new person.

It all sort of started coming clear in 2009 over the summer when I found myself quite ill with adrenal exhaustion. The cortisol levels in my adrenal glands were practically nonexistent. Bad news. The bottom line is that I had depleted my levels over the years from stress, lack of sleep, overworking, not relaxing sufficiently, etc.

On a non-physical level I was also realizing that I was not happy with the business I had created. It was not fun anymore and I honestly realized I didn't like the vast majority of the work I was doing. So I had to surrender. I called my clients and began the process of wrapping up my projects with them. I ended up moving into a couple month Quiet Period, where I stopped doing so much and began listening more. I asked myself in meditation: what do I really want? What is my heart telling me? Why am I at this crossroad? How do I create a happier life? (I also had a lot of sleep and rest to catch up on).

Since I couldn't physically do as much, I was able to hear clearly and began crafting more healthy habits of sleep, rest and balanced work. When I finally felt I had clarity I was astounded to see that I had come full circle to the work that I started doing a few years ago -- Helping others transform their lives as they face loss and change. So I'm back to working on a limited basis with individuals who are grieving or moving through big life changes and preparing to finally get out to the world my HealingMemorials.com business. I'm so much happier and grateful that my body stopped me in my tracks and got me back to where my joy is.

And although it was a hard realization at first... to feel like I took a year's detour... I realize that I am a much wiser, self-empowered person and far more ready to take the next step on my journey. Life has an interesting way of leading us along the way. Embracing the change by surrendering, rather than staying steeped in something that wasn't working that well was a huge gift.

Opportunity in the Financial Collapse

I was on a call this week that really inspired me to share an experience I had. It started with hearing a conference that Gina Ratliff's held on the financial collapse our economy and where it has taken her business. What she shared is how the collapse has presented a unique opportunity for wealth to be created in a new way- a way that is more balanced between the masculine and feminine than in the past.

So the way I see it, (barring the gross over-generalization) the masculine way of operating in the business world is to be more direct, action oriented, logical and linear. The feminine way of being includes honoring the intuitive, creative, introspective and non-linear ways of doing things.

Finding ways of working and living that include both of these sides of ourselves is transformative in my experience. Over the past 2 years I have been immersed in this lesson as I've left the corporate and financial world which was very masculine and embarked on building a new career that has been my own to entirely define.

The funny thing was that after that call, I did something that was overly masculine in nature in making a decision. I pushed through a decision even though I didn't feel entirely comfortable with it. The next day, with the help of my good friend Debbie, I realized that I needed a more balanced approach with myself. Parts of me that needed to be heard had been overrun and ignored. I stopped and did something that is more feminine in nature. I meditated and took some time to look inside.

What I discovered was a treasure trove of insights and reminders about what this new way looks like for me.

Here it is:

• My life includes space and time for me - time for self-care, time to breathe
  
• There is no urgency when I get new direction from inside (urgency is from the ego). I simply take the necessary time to get clear and then act from that place
  
• The smallest parts of myself are being cared for and attended to
• My children and husband feel cherished and know they are important to me, they know I have time for them
  
• My life is lived more slowly and is sensuous in nature
• I take time to cultivate my own health, beauty, creativity - whatever is important to me
  
• Rest and Relaxation are planned into my life and utilized
• Rather than forcing/rushing things, I live deliberately and thoughtfully
• I remember that there are always options, choices and many ways of getting to a goal in all circumstances
• I take time to integrate after a big growth spurt (there is space, a pause between things)
• I take time to vision regularly to maintain my connect to my deepest intentions
  
• I speak consciously
  
• I can laugh at myself and my human mistakes
  

I'm sure the list could go on and on, but it felt so great to me to 'see' this new way of living in detail in my life. I also want to acknowledge that I use some very masculine structures to support myself in creating this. I have a tracking sheet with my self-care goals on it, to see if I am following through on my commitments to exercise, meditate, etc. I set time on my calendar to vision, plan and organize each week. Our family has a new schedule of one-on-one dates with our children to help them feel valued and heard in our home. The list could go on, but the point is that the blend of masculine and feminine ways of doing things has a lot to offer.

I celebrate knowing both ways of doing things and embrace the challenge to bring them into my work and personal life in a more grounded way!

PS
Gina is a thriving entreprenuer that works with women to execute their businesses in a suceessful that balances both the masculine and feminine ways of doing things. (You can find out more about her at estherexperience.com). She is fantastic!

Releasing the Past

Do you have times when you feel stuck, overwhelmed, angry or sad in the present due to the past? I certainly have, so let me share two ways that have worked for me to clear myself, move on and enjoy my life again.

The first is is simply to allow your emotional expression. Our culture is one that typically asks us to shut down what we feel. Sometimes our self-talk looks like this: "I should be over this by now." "I'm a nice person, how can I feel so angry?" "Others would judge what I'm feeling." "Its not ok to feel this." This self-denial only serves to fuel those feelings to become stronger so that they can be heard. So rather than push them down, distract ourselves and avoid them, try this simple way of allowing them to have their say:
Take a few moments of quiet time and just sit still
If your feelings are already present, take the position of an observer and just sit and watch them
If you are having trouble feeling anything, notice what your body feels like (i.e. do you detect any physical sensations such as numbness, tenseness, tingling, etc.)
Once you are in touch with your emotions, let them flow through you or grow to be as big as they want to be
Do your very best to just feel them without any judgment
Simply let them run through you whether it is anger, tears, overwhelm or whatever

If there is so much you feel you cannot release them this way, try this as an alternative:
Set aside at least 10 minutes of time alone.
Set an intention to release your feelings simply and gracefully (or however you want it to occur).
Write out your feelings as fast as you can, without care for spelling, readability, or neatness.
Don't think about it; just write as fast as you can giving voice to anything that surfaces.
Remember there is no need for it to make coherent sense. Do not go back and read it again.
When you are done, make sure to burn or shred the paper in a symbolic act to release it.
Then move on as best you can.
Remember that healing is simply finding ways of bringing love to the inside. These small practices are ways to invite love and acceptance in. With that environment, we are able to move through all feelings like a child onto the next one