Where did I vanish to in 2011?

It’s been over a year since I last wrote… so I  thought it worth an explanation to bridge the gap.  What I keep discovering is that my best laid plans are often modified by some glaring issue that’s staring me in the face (that initially I’d really rather ignore).  However, in the long run my life keeps proving to me that if I turn to what’s right in front of me and address that, I move closer and closer to what I truly want in life.

For me, last year I was just home from the hospital after having surgery for thyroid cancer.  I really wasn’t too happy to have all my plans laid awry and frankly if I had known that it would take me a full year to feel myself again, I would have been even more pissed.  Yet, now I can say with hindsight, that I’ve never been better and felt more fulfilled with my life.

My illness forced me to relinquish all my roles in life (except to just be while I got better).  It helped me learn that just existing (without contributing anything) is enough of a reason to value myself.  I learned to get over the pain of being on the receiving end of a lot of help.  I reassessed the pace of my life and am learning to simplify what I do, so I really enjoy it.  I learned to trust my inner judgement on a whole new level and be a much stronger advocate for myself and my health.  I experienced the support and care from a lot of people which demonstrated how much love I have in my life.

I didn’t know that 2011 was pretty much going to be devoted to getting my health back, but now I have it (gratefully), some of the dreams I had to suspend a year ago are rising up inside me again for attention.  That feels so good after a long period of silence where I wondered if they had died or their time had passed me by.

Hopefully next time my plans gets altered for unexpected reasons, I’ll be able to embrace the change even easier — with full expectation that it is most certainly taking me where I want to go.  I’m seeing that what I really want aren’t the accomplishments on my wish list but the rich experience of life that I thought they would bring me.  For me some of those things have turned out to be… deep connection with others, trust in the flow of life, passion in what I do, creative expression, fulfillment, fun, adventure and joy.

Cheers to allowing what’s right in front of your face to take you where your heart really wants to go.