Opportunity in the Financial Collapse

I was on a call this week that really inspired me to share an experience I had. It started with hearing a conference that Gina Ratliff's held on the financial collapse our economy and where it has taken her business. What she shared is how the collapse has presented a unique opportunity for wealth to be created in a new way- a way that is more balanced between the masculine and feminine than in the past.

So the way I see it, (barring the gross over-generalization) the masculine way of operating in the business world is to be more direct, action oriented, logical and linear. The feminine way of being includes honoring the intuitive, creative, introspective and non-linear ways of doing things.

Finding ways of working and living that include both of these sides of ourselves is transformative in my experience. Over the past 2 years I have been immersed in this lesson as I've left the corporate and financial world which was very masculine and embarked on building a new career that has been my own to entirely define.

The funny thing was that after that call, I did something that was overly masculine in nature in making a decision. I pushed through a decision even though I didn't feel entirely comfortable with it. The next day, with the help of my good friend Debbie, I realized that I needed a more balanced approach with myself. Parts of me that needed to be heard had been overrun and ignored. I stopped and did something that is more feminine in nature. I meditated and took some time to look inside.

What I discovered was a treasure trove of insights and reminders about what this new way looks like for me.

Here it is:

• My life includes space and time for me - time for self-care, time to breathe
  
• There is no urgency when I get new direction from inside (urgency is from the ego). I simply take the necessary time to get clear and then act from that place
  
• The smallest parts of myself are being cared for and attended to
• My children and husband feel cherished and know they are important to me, they know I have time for them
  
• My life is lived more slowly and is sensuous in nature
• I take time to cultivate my own health, beauty, creativity - whatever is important to me
  
• Rest and Relaxation are planned into my life and utilized
• Rather than forcing/rushing things, I live deliberately and thoughtfully
• I remember that there are always options, choices and many ways of getting to a goal in all circumstances
• I take time to integrate after a big growth spurt (there is space, a pause between things)
• I take time to vision regularly to maintain my connect to my deepest intentions
  
• I speak consciously
  
• I can laugh at myself and my human mistakes
  

I'm sure the list could go on and on, but it felt so great to me to 'see' this new way of living in detail in my life. I also want to acknowledge that I use some very masculine structures to support myself in creating this. I have a tracking sheet with my self-care goals on it, to see if I am following through on my commitments to exercise, meditate, etc. I set time on my calendar to vision, plan and organize each week. Our family has a new schedule of one-on-one dates with our children to help them feel valued and heard in our home. The list could go on, but the point is that the blend of masculine and feminine ways of doing things has a lot to offer.

I celebrate knowing both ways of doing things and embrace the challenge to bring them into my work and personal life in a more grounded way!

PS
Gina is a thriving entreprenuer that works with women to execute their businesses in a suceessful that balances both the masculine and feminine ways of doing things. (You can find out more about her at estherexperience.com). She is fantastic!

Releasing the Past

Do you have times when you feel stuck, overwhelmed, angry or sad in the present due to the past? I certainly have, so let me share two ways that have worked for me to clear myself, move on and enjoy my life again.

The first is is simply to allow your emotional expression. Our culture is one that typically asks us to shut down what we feel. Sometimes our self-talk looks like this: "I should be over this by now." "I'm a nice person, how can I feel so angry?" "Others would judge what I'm feeling." "Its not ok to feel this." This self-denial only serves to fuel those feelings to become stronger so that they can be heard. So rather than push them down, distract ourselves and avoid them, try this simple way of allowing them to have their say:
Take a few moments of quiet time and just sit still
If your feelings are already present, take the position of an observer and just sit and watch them
If you are having trouble feeling anything, notice what your body feels like (i.e. do you detect any physical sensations such as numbness, tenseness, tingling, etc.)
Once you are in touch with your emotions, let them flow through you or grow to be as big as they want to be
Do your very best to just feel them without any judgment
Simply let them run through you whether it is anger, tears, overwhelm or whatever

If there is so much you feel you cannot release them this way, try this as an alternative:
Set aside at least 10 minutes of time alone.
Set an intention to release your feelings simply and gracefully (or however you want it to occur).
Write out your feelings as fast as you can, without care for spelling, readability, or neatness.
Don't think about it; just write as fast as you can giving voice to anything that surfaces.
Remember there is no need for it to make coherent sense. Do not go back and read it again.
When you are done, make sure to burn or shred the paper in a symbolic act to release it.
Then move on as best you can.
Remember that healing is simply finding ways of bringing love to the inside. These small practices are ways to invite love and acceptance in. With that environment, we are able to move through all feelings like a child onto the next one

What Indie (the Cat) Had To Say

I have to admit, even through I'm one of those people that is a complete believer in our capacity to communicate telepathically or receive divine communication - I never used an animal communicator before. But desperate times require desperate measures! We have 2 Bengal cats, Indie and Max, whom we've had for 4 years. After coming home from 5 days of vacation Indie had started peeing on furniture and other off-limit places in the house. No matter what I did we had no success. Our home was becoming unlivable. We tested her for an infection and tried everything the vet suggested with no progress. The vet was beginning to talk about daily oral meds for Indie. That's where I acknowledged the need for some extraordinary help.

So I contacted Laurie Foster see if she could help us. She came over, met the cats and talked with me about what behaviors were going on. Then she went into meditation and began conversing with Indie. After about an hour we met and she shared her conversation and intuitive thoughts. Without going into our saga, the bottom line was that it was astonishingly accurate. Indie described every person in our family to her and what her relationship with each of us was like. She told Laurie about various issues she saw in the family that needed addressing (one of which is a long-standing intergenerational challenge in my family line) and that her peeing on things was her way of drawing attention to it. She said that this was her main purpose in coming to our family. Indie also gave us feedback on wanting a different litter box and some other things that only a cat could appreciate.

After taking all this in, acknowledging the accuracy of it and having some family discussions about what we could do to address it, I have to report that she has not once peed outside her box and harmony has been restored. It was such a marked change overnight that there was no denying the benefits of the session. One of the things I liked so much about the experience was how I began to see Indie and Max like they see themselves... as full fledged members of the family with their own, very distinct personalities. This experience was also a reminder to me that all things in our worlds are mirrors to us and here to teach us. May I always remember to look for those messages and enjoy everybody (human or feline) in my world for what they have to teach me.

ps Laurie's email is laufoster@roadrunner.com

Tri Again in Carpenteria

So Sugata and I completed the 2nd and final Triathalon of the year. We decided doing them 2 weeks apart may not have been optimal, but it's done and with many lessons learned. Sugata did the long course which was his first Olympic level triathalon. I'm so proud of him! Here is a link to him crossing the finish line.
http://gallery.me.com/laura.biswas#100162/400&bgcolor=black
The main reason we did this event was that our friend Brent created a memorial event for his wife Hillary who died earlier this year in a cycling accident. She was a phenomenal athlete and had done the Carpenteria triathalon last year. Her parents came out from NC to be at the event along with so many of Brent's family. Hillary's sister was there doing her first triathalon along with many other newbies in her honor.
It was an honor to be a part of such a great event. T-shirts had been designed and made for everyone involved and so as the race ensued, I passed many people I didn't know who, like me had Hillary's memorial shirt on, and often we called out to each other HILLARY!
I had a moment of grief well up on the beach at the race start. All of us in the race were in our wetsuits getting ready to head into the ocean waves. I had just said goodbye to Sugata as he got into his wave and Brent came by. Just seeing him there, I was so overcome by the pain of his loss. Tears flooded up. I know we never fully understand the unique loss of another, but there is also that universal experience of grief that I touched into, just knowing the pain of losing my brothers Spencer and Drew and my Dad - all young too... like Hillary.
I just send my loving support to Brent and Hillary's families as they walk through their grief. I honor Hillary for her great smile, competitive streak and joy for the outdoor adventures of life.

Simply dancing joy

If you need something to smile about, check out this video.It is such a good reminder that the simplest things can be the most enjoyable in life. Make sure you see the kids joining in the dance. You can't help but smile. Matt Harding's dance will make anyone feel good on the dance floor and the song in it is beautiful. It is a bengali pop song called Praan (Life) that takes phrases from Tagore's poetry.

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap080722.html

Art as a Healing Path

When our eyes see our hands doing the work of our hearts, the circle of Creation is completed inside us, the doors of our souls fly open and love steps forth to heal everything in sight. Michael Bridge

One of the wonderful avenues that came my way during my grieving process after my little brother Drew died, was art. I grew up in a large extended family that had a many artistic people in it. There was the uncle that sculptor, my mother the oil painter, my sister the photographer, my brother the graphic designer, … you get the picture – right? I always thought the gene had skipped me or I’d been left out when that gift was handed out. So I largely became an art enthusiast buying pieces of affordable art or attending museums when I could.
During my mid-life transition, I left my pharmaceutical career and went back to school to get a master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology. During my second year, I had a chance to do a project that was open ended. We started the work with a meditation to guide our project selection. During this meditation, I saw in my mind images of dancing, painting and sculpting. I was somewhat surprised but I opened up to what the visualization held for me and ran with it.
I ended up developing a project about healing through creative expression which included a combination of writing, dance and art. It was such a rich journey of self-discovery and healing that I could not have picked a better project for myself. I learned how to be patient with myself as a beginning artist. I changed my beliefs about my creative capacity. I found healing by creating art that symbolized my losses and loved ones. I also discovered that as expressed myself in dance or art, I was making parallel changes in my life such as being more open, speaking more authenticity and being more creative. I found that writing held a rich tool for me to clear myself and uncover intuitive wisdom.
Above all, I learned that we are all artists in some shape or form and that as long as we’ve been on earth, art has been a fundamental means of healing. It is not in my mind a separate task in life called art, but an inherent part of each one of us, always ready to offer us a means of expression and healing.

Journey of My First Triathalon

Yesterday was amazing, challenging and fun. Our girls were all sleeping over at their friends houses (Thanks to Sheryl & Sean and Shelly & Siva) so we were free to get up at 4:00am and run out the door with all our gear! In the dark of the night all we could see was a few other cars with bikes attached certainly going to Malibu too, and a nearly full moon. It was a beautiful sight. It reminded me how perfectly timed the event was, as the full moon is considered the best time to be in your peak power, completing things and a time to celebrate.

I went into the triathalon mentally, remembering that I have the support of so many friends and family. It started as we parked and went to put all our gear into the transition area. We didn't realize it at the time, but we had parked about as far as you can get from the main area, so it was a long walk in. Finally we got there and the place was buzzing with energy even in the dark. There were even a lot of spectators filling the stands above the transition area to catch a glimpse of us... well maybe it was the celebrity triathletes. (J-Lo & Matthew McConoughly to name a few). We hung our bikes on the rack, laid out our bike and running gear and poured a pan of water to wash our sandy feet in after the swim. If you check out the pictures you can see Sugata holding a can of pan which we sprayed on our legs to make an easy get out of the wetsuit. (It actually worked)!

Anyway, we started back to the car to get our wetsuits and realized that we were suddenly at risk of being late to the swim! So we ran a mile or so back to the car turned around with our suits and missed just a bit of the opening remarks for the race. Lesson 1: take all your gear or park closer. There goes an extra 2 miles onto our exercise for the day!

So with that start we joined the other 3,000 triathletes on the sand readying for the 1/2 mile ocean swim. Sugata helped me calm my nerves by taking me out through the breakers once to get used to the water. Then he stayed with me in my group until his was ready to go. What a great husband! I can't say enough about what a great coach and support he has been all year getting me to this day. There was this tremendously loud gun going off for each wave. First into the water were the Elite athletes and Celebrities... then the younger folks first, alternating men and women. So at 8:00 he ran off into the waves, 5 minutes before me. I went out to the far left so as to avoid being kicked and not miss the buoy due to the current movements going right that day. Perfect, I got out around it without much trouble. Honestly I have been praying for smaller waves and grace going in and out. Success! It was a very calm, overcast morning. That was so helpful! Even though I never panicked, I was still nervous and I did what I call the 'all stroke' swim. A little of breaststroke, a little backstroke, a little freestyle - until I got comfortable. Then as I rounded the last buoy I started to feel really winded and I faced one of my fears about the race. I really didn't want to get pounded by a wave on the way in. I discovered that the ocean was in a lull. No waves at all. I knew that wouldn't last for long, so I did my best to race in and I just made it before a big wave rolled in. I was so tired I just had to walk to the transition area, but I was so happy to have finished that leg without drama.

Then in transition, I may have nearly set a record for taking the longest to get on my bike.
Lesson #2: practice your transition. But my goal was to enjoy the race, so I didn't sweat it. Once out of transition I was on my bike and off to ride 18 miles to Leo Carrillo beach. The traffic was roped off, so it was a wonderful ride - for me the funnest part of the whole event. I rolled up and down the hills with only 1 hiccup. I lost my chain in a poorly timed shifting of the gears, but I stayed calm and popped it back on and rode on. I enjoyed so much riding with the other participants, seeing the abundant So California plants and at some points a gorgeous overlook of the Pacific Ocean. There were people spread out along the way there to cheer us all on, including a guy who set up a complete drum set and was playing right near the halfway point on the freeway. It was great, and I really pushed myself to bike hard the second 9 miles as I could see that I would make it without burning out. As I came back into transition, I managed a little better getting off to the run, but wow were my legs aching.

My biggest challenge was that I've spend most of my time this summer training for the swim, a some on the bike and the least on the run. To top that off, the Tri policy was - no ipods! Can you imagine running on fumes with no music to rely on!! That was where I was mentally. So given my goal of enjoying it, I allowed myself to run/walk it. Sugata and I passed each other on the run which was great. Coming into the end, naturally I pushed myself and ran across the finish line while the announcer was saying, "Here comes Laura Biswas finishing her first triathalon" then he adds, are you going to do another??? I couldn't even breathe so I gave him a thumbs up.
Sugata was right there (prompting the announcer) and waiting to hug me. I have to say, I felt so good to have completed it and to have enjoyed it with Sugata. I really didn't care if I was the last one in - I just felt great to have accomplished something that was a real stretch for me. I felt elated and like crying all at once.

One of the things that I am the most proud of is that I worked extremely hard at directing my thoughts positively. I never once went into to negativity or wanted to give up. I just kept remembering all the support I received, I constantly told myself that I could do it and I was loving with myself no matter what happened or what my performance was. Lesson #3: every thought counts - for greater ease and joy or towards discouragement and pain.

This morning we checked our times. I was very proud of my 20 minute swim, interested in what the bike took me (1hr 15 min) since I had no idea what to expect and very understanding of my 44 min run. I had to laugh that J-Lo and I were very close finishers. She finished just a couple minutes sooner than I. I guess the Paparazzi might have added a little extra motivation!

Just to add a note about Sugata - despite having numerous injuries this year he improved his time from last year by an amazing 10 minutes and completed the 4 mile run with 2 very intense muscle cramps that at first seemed might cause him to not finish the tri. And as you can see - he helped me have a great experience. He even secretly left me encouraging notes at my transition station during the race. I love that man!

Here is a link to the pictures: http://gallery.me.com/laura.biswas#100149

Pre-Race Omens for the Triathalon

So today, we hit Zuma beach in Malibu to pick up our race day packets for tomorrow's triathalon. It turned out to be not only necessary but a valuable and inspiring stop. It was a beautiful day - perfect weather really for SoCal in Sept. - sunny, breezy, and in the 70's. The first fun part was getting our individual race ID's and getting it marked in permanent ink on our arms and legs. Mine reads #1987 (my race id), boldly displayed on my left upper arm and 40 for my age, clearly noted on my left calf.

I found this very interesting to have the number 1987. I thoroughly enjoy looking for signs and signals from the universe that are meaningful in everyday life. This was a big one today. 1987 turns out to be the year that my dad died. This really made me feel like my Dad is going to be there in spirit, along for the ride so to speak. 1987 is also a year that is etched in my mind forever - in part because I had no choice about stepping into life as an adult that year. It was thrust on me. This number now seems significant because I've made many choices to take a new level of responsibility for the creation of my life, but this time out of choice and in a way that has brought me more grace, fun and joy in life. This is the new way I choose to live life. Trying new things, moving ahead even when I'm afraid, testing out my ability to create a life I dreamed of, and not being willing to see any failure (only learning lessons) - even when I make mistakes along the way.

Another little synchronicity came when I set my sights on winning something at a drawing at this Toyota hybrid car booth. Unfortunately, not a hybrid car as a prize...but nevertheless I won, not once but twice. I first won a small prize for answering a trivia question and then my name was drawn. I had to forfeit the second prize (a gift card), but I took all that as a positive signal that I can get whatever I want out of the triathalon. So tomorrow, my desire is to Relax, Enjoy & Celebrate. I have to say, I never thought I would be feeling this good the night before the race when I wildly ventured out to meet Sugata's invitation to join him in doing it this year.

So, now to the final preparations...

Teachings of a 9 year old

As I have walked a very conscious path of growth the last few years, I have experienced many times how my life has beautifully delivered situations to me to heal things through my children. This happened again this morning.
We have been watching our 9 year old daughter enter a new stage of awareness and struggle that has been somewhat daunting to manage. She vacillates between utter confidence and abject fear. Her night time anxieties about death and aloneness have been heightened and her emotions fluctuate very strongly. Yesterday at our new school, a Waldorf school, I heard the teachers speak of how the 9th year was a key transitory year between childhood and adolescence. I reached out for more information and came home with a small book called "Encountering the Self" by Hermann Koepke.
This morning I was brought to tears in reading the first short chapter. The basic idea is that the ego begins to take a more significant role in the child's life and they begin to see their separateness from others. They move out of that space of feeling so connected to all things in the world including their friends, family, nature, and so forth.
Then the teacher demonstrated how critical it was to share with the child how all things are still connected in life. The electricity we use may come from the wind powering a man-made apparatus, a medicine may be derived from a plant, the clothing we wear from the earth's cotton, the bread from a field of wheat along with rain and sunshine.
This type of teaching touches simply into teaching a child respect, appreciation and awareness. This sounds elemental really in writing it all down, but what I felt was so profound. I simply sensed deeply inside the absolute unbreakable connection between all things in my world. Not one thing being separate - even the technology I use. So even when writing an email or using a cell phone, I can look at it and see the vast set of people and resources (whether natural or man-made) that came together to create it - appreciate it.. and feel connected in my world.
This moment took me back emotionally to being a child and feeling disconnected and apart from all thing sacred in life -- I cried at the loss of not having had this teaching then. Then I cried for being able to be aware of it now and give it to my children. A reminder that again my children are my teachers - and I theirs. And now I come full circle again to being able to feel deeply my connection in this world.

Sugata uploaded some pictures from our first ocean swim.  Check them out at http://gallery.me.com/laura.biswas#100130

The second picture is indicative of how much I liked it the first time.  Enjoy!

Start-up Lessons and Ocean Swims

I've been working on getting a heart-felt dream off the ground.  It is a web business inspired by my little brother Drew who died in 2006 at the age of 23.  It is getting close to launching now, but it has been a challenging road and sometimes trying one to stay on course with.  So you're probably wondering, what does this business have to do with ocean swimming?  

Well, this year I turned 40 and one of the ways I chose to celebrate my life was to do my first triathalon.  My decision was definitely influenced by seeing my husband Sugata complete his first triathalon last year in Malibu, CA.  It was inspiring and seemed like a good idea at the time. Little did I realize that my training for the triathalon was going to be a symbolic journey that parallelled the creation of my start-up business. 

In both cases I was doing something almost entirely new that seemed like a significant stretch.  In the case of my start-up, I had business experience but all in big companies and none of them internet based...  it still feels like very new territory despite my job history and an MBA hanging on my wall from Yale.  In the case of the triathalon,  I had done a couple half marathons, and knew how to ride a bike, but swimming and doing it in the ocean looked formidable.  That turned out to be a fair estimation in retrospect. Now I find myself a few weeks away from the actual triathalon at Malibu on Zuma beach (think big waves at the crack of dawn in mid-Sept) and not too much further away from the launch of my first website business.  

I had to take a whole set of swimming lessons to simply get myself to the point of it being safe to get in the ocean. This took the bulk of the winter and spring for various reasons of fear and probably procrastination but finally I could at least swim a 1/2 mile in the pool.  Next came the unsuspecting experience of wearing a wetsuit.  I put it on and bravely followed Sugata into the waves.  We had spent lots of time discussing how to get past the breakers and out into the ocean without getting pummeled. Surprisingly we got through quite easily, but then suddenly I found myself out in the ocean with so much compression from the wetsuit, I nearly had a panic attack.  I actually tried to pry the thing off my body without much success as tears were welling up in my eyes and my breathing was labored.  Finally I managed to flip on my back and calm down for a bit.  I went back to land, got pummeled once going in by the waves (I landed on my head) and sat on the beach pondering this experience.  

I really had to pull on my deepest resources to work my way through more waves of anxiety.  I thought about quitting, choosing to call this too risky for me, claiming it was not really something I wanted to do... etc.  (Sound familiar to anyone creating a business?) Finally I decided that I couldn't go home on that decidedly negative note and faced going out again. It went slightly better but not dramatically.  I went home wondering how in the world I was going to get ready for Malibu in a few more short weeks.  The next ocean swim got me to the point of being able to wear my wetsuit without constant panic and I had a few good moments of being able to swim without overwhelm.  The next trip, I stepped up to be able to play in the waves and swim with almost no fear and some confidence I could complete the race.

 This is where I began to see so clearly the start-up lessons being reflected to me.  Some of the questions running through my head were: How many times did fear keep me from making real progress on my business?  How many times did it feel like I was not up to the task or that I was too late to the game to make it?  Why does panic set in when you least expect it?  Why did I even want to stretch my life so much in the first place? 

Some beautiful answers to these questions came back to me from inside.  I was reminded that I promised myself that when Drew died I would start living life fully, without regret.  I remembered that the journey is all there is in the end, so who cared how fast I finished either the triathalon or got my business launched.  I was learning by leaps and bounds all across my life simply because I was willing to risk failure.  One of the great keys to success for me has been choosing over and over to believe in myself, my dreams and goals, and know that if there is a will - there is a way.  Finally, I cannot hide behind any facade that these things don't matter to me.  I live with my heart out in the open and act from that place.  If it leads me to some places of fear, my choice is to walk through them and see what's on the other side.